It Came From Within The Womb!

Lack of updates!

2007-06-18T10:40:00.001-06:00

Hi everyone who still tries to read updates here!

This is Mojo.....

I now have a Picasa site where more updated pictures (and more old ones) are being stored.

There is no "blogging" but you will get the gist of Jack's progress. Most people are interested in the photos anyway...

So for updated pictures go here:

http://www.picasaweb.google.com/marissasky

Jack Turns 2, Has First Bike Ride

2007-03-31T22:03:00.000-06:00

Jack turned 2 recently, and he's not hiding it. He's been practising his fit pitching 3 times daily, and he's refining the art form. This isn't to say that he isn't still the sweetest, smiliest kid around, it's just that he's diversifying his personality.
For his second birthday, his mother and I bought him a TMNT van that he can sit upon and drive around. The first night he had it, he took 4 spills. I think the van was designed to scramble the brains of children. Below are some pictures.

Those pictures are from the happy times, before he fell backwards onto his noggin 4 times. What upset him the most, though, wasn't the cracking of skull on hardwood, but was when his father finally decided enough was enough and took the van away. That resulted in an hour of tears, screams and evil eyes.

His age has predictably seen a strong sense of materialism materialize in young Jack. He becomes very attached to things very quickly. All day today, for instance, he refused to put down his new Thomas The Train books. If you even looked at the books, he'd rebuke you with a terse, "Mine!". So his fingers cramped up. Ha ha!

Also this weekend, I bought a front loader bike seat to use to cart Jack around. He seems to enjoy the hell out of it. Below is video evidence (note the Thomas The Tank Engine books clutched in his hands).

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Catching Up

2007-02-25T11:50:00.000-06:00

First item of business: Jack is a Casanova. He's not yet 2, and he's already surpassed his old man's 'girls kissed' total. Some weeks ago, he had a play date with a young lady named Telia. Jack suavely put the moves on her (with some urging from his and Telia's moms), and the results were caught on camera.

Young love. It's a wonderful thing.

Everything is going well with Jack. His immune system seems to be handling day care better, so he's been cold-free for a good long stretch (knock on wood). His vocabulary is skyrocketing, including some things that may or may not be expletives. One of his favourite words, and activities, is hockey. He shocked me the the other day by demonstrating his knowledge of the game. We were in his room, hanging out, when he began to point at a ball and say, "Hockey! Hockey!" "No," I said, "that's a ball, Jack." He often refers to all sports as hockey, so I tried to correct him. To prove he knew what he was talking about, he grabbed a small toy rack from a beach play set and starting slap-shotting the ball around the house, yelling, "HOCKEY!" I thought this was fantastic. It near gave his mom (not the biggest hockey fan) a nervous breakdown.
We've also had the first 'Daddy Day' since I last posted. Every second sunday of the month, Jack and I hang out with some other father/child teams for the afternoon. This is not only fun for the Dads, but it scores points with the Moms. Win, win. Here are some pictures of the first Daddy Day.

Finally, here are a few more photos, mostly of Jacks first day at the tobogganing hill.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year - with poop.

2007-01-04T21:25:00.000-06:00

Since Jack started daycare a few months ago, he's been collecting illnesses like trading cards and generously sharing each and every one with his old man. Yesterday and last night, he was enduring some bug that turned his feces into napalm. His poop was wet and burned his bum a bright crimson. He was not a happy cat, and reacted very defensively if you even looked like you were thinking about changing him. There was a tearful diaper operation at 3 something this morning that required both parents and heavy shackles. He seems to be somewhat better today. I look forward to experiencing the fiery crap volcano myself in the next few days.

Christmas and New Year's Eve are now history. This year, Jack seemed to understand more about the process of Christmas and get into it a bit more deeply. He'd cling to an unwrapped gift, and only yield it to the next present once it's wrapping started to come off. Then he'd join in the tearing and proclaim, "Whoooah..." at the next unveiled gift. He had a great day, and only became overstimulated around 7pm due to an almost complete lack of afternoon napping. I, on the other hand, was surly all day thanks to a 24 hour flu that had me attacking that toilet with multiple and varied weapons.

New Year's Eve, he spent his first night at Grandma and Opa's house. He stuck around for a bit of our party, but was taken away for his own good at around 7. It was tough to ring in the new year without him, but he's too young for one of our parties, and wouldn't've been able to catch a wink of sleep.

Now, pictures.

Quick Jack Notes

2006-11-22T08:53:00.000-06:00

-He's frightened by certain commercials, for instance, the latest Ipod nano, that shaving ad with the crazy blue and orange laser beams smashing into each other, and the nicorette ad where the sexy lady turns into a little troll.
-He was originally frightened by my luchador mask, but now prefers it to my regular face.
-The cat hissed at him today. He hissed back.
-He likes bananas except when he hates bananas.

Jack Pumpkin Patch Special 06

2006-10-30T23:00:00.000-06:00

Too tired to type. Picture = 100 words.

Lazy Fathers.........

2006-08-30T19:15:00.000-06:00

Hi, this is Mojo, filling in. This is going to be quick, as I am only posting pictures of me and Jack's trip to Ontario this summer.

We spent 3.5 days with my family (my dad, Gramma, aunt, uncle, cousins, etc.) north of Toronto in Penetanguishene, then 3.5 days in Toronto with my friend, Christine and her man Shane.Here are pictures! Enjoy!

Jack in the garden with his Great Grandma

Jack hangin' at the cottage with Cooper, the crazy dog.

Jack with Grandpa Doug on his first boat ride (Jack's, not my dad's)

Helping Uncle Ray drive the boat home.

Taking a break for a drink at The Drake in Toronto

First subway ride!

Just chillin with a book....

Jack with Christine

Jack at the Harbour Front having a DAMN good time!

Videos!

2006-05-17T23:30:00.000-06:00

As promised, here are some videos of Jack. The load time is not insignificant, so be ready to be patient. They're all saved in AVI format, so hopefully they're universally accessible.

I wish I had more time to type, but it's late and I need to sleep. I'm heading out of town for the weekend, and leaving my wife and son behind. It's going to be agony.

Also, surprise surprise, Jack's been walking up a storm! We've been training him with one handed walking, and he'd been getting really good at it. So good, that one day I decided to just take my had away. Rather than falling down then glaring up accusingly at me, Jack decided to just keep walking. Mojo, Jack and I were laughing and smiling and giggling for a good 20-30 minutes as Jack walked from one of us to the other. But enough words, on with the show:

Click here to see Jack walking.

Click here to see more of Jack walking.

Click here to see Jack laughing and falling over.

Click here to see Jack doing laps around a bemused Billie.

Party Pics

2006-05-01T21:14:00.000-06:00

Jack's first birthday has come and gone (so has his 13 month marker - I'm tardy). The party was fantastic. We packed the 'ski lodge room' with friends and family. We were really touched by the turnout. Thanks to everyone who came out. Below are some pictures from the big day.

And now, the cake eating montage...

Coming soon - Videos!

Nearly 1 year old

2006-03-13T19:52:00.000-06:00

This Sunday is Jack's first birthday. That freaks me out. Really. They say that the years fly by faster and faster as you children age. If this is true, the next 20 years will feel like a couple of weeks. I guess this explains the faint tinges of grey seeming into my hair and chin whiskers.

He's managed to accomplish quite a bit on his first year, not the least of which is surviving the times he's left alone with his dad. This weekend, I had him on my back, safely belted into the baby backpack carrier thingamabob, when I walked past a tree. Said tree had a branch. Said branch passed safely over my head straight into my son's face. He had a nice welt right over his eye. Hopefully he won't remember all these abuses as he grows up. Otherwise, I'm in for a serious ass-kicking when he learns how to hold a baseball bat.

Now, on to the photos.

The above pictures were taken for a St. Valentines Day card. The card was never put together, but I couldn't deny all you ladies a glimpse at Mr Universe 2026.

Poorly thought out potty training

No babies or cats were harmed in the making of this photo.

Some of the neighbours came by a few weeks ago. Jack got along with all of them. In this picture, he's giving MaÃ¯ka his best "How you doin'?" look. MaÃ¯ka seems unimpressed.

Hide and seek.

Captain Ahab.

This is the picture for the back of the book jacket for Jack's memoirs, due in stores soon.

10 1/2 month

2006-02-06T20:30:00.000-06:00

I apologize once again for my slowness in updating. Not only is Jack more mobile and therefore more time consuming, I've also started taking french classes. Why? Partially because it'll help me out at work (the RCMP now demands that every shirt we produce be fully bilingual) and partially because I want to be prepared for a bilingual son. We'll be enrolling him in Connaught's french immersion and I want to know what the hell he'll be talking about when he comes home. I know, it may seem like I'm jumping the gun a bit (he's only 10 and a half months old, so it'll be a while before he comes home screaming "TABARNAC!" and "Mangez-vous de merde, mon pere!"), but I think, with my limited learning ability, I need all the head start I can get.

Everything with Jack's been good, for the most part. His relationship with Billie has taken a turn for the worse, though. Billie's decided Jack's old enough to take a couple of swats now and then. Jack disagrees. It's a contentious issue between the two of them. The other rough patch for Jack is on his cheeks and hands, and this one's literal. He's got some nasty excema that's a result of incessant hand chewing. I can't completely fault Jack; his hands are delicious. We've been putting lotion on as much as we can, but Marissa thinks the only real cure will be an end to winter.

Enough of my jibber jabber, though. I'm sure most of you are just here for the pictures.

Jack and Billie during a rare moment of peace.

Jack find himself colour-coordinated with his dad's creepiest friend.

He's a huggy lad.

This picture is I think captures one of those times where Jack looks more like a little boy than a baby. Those time scare the $#!^ out of me.

EAT THAT HAT!

YEAH! I Ate that hat!!

NOW I EAT YOU!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Jack's First Christmas

2005-12-27T14:21:00.000-06:00

Jack's first Christmas has come and gone. From this point on, he's allowed to be disappointed. Since he had nothing with which to measure this festive season's festiveness, he was completely pleased. Next year, however, he'll be better prepared to be cynical. For his parents, the pressure'll be on.

The 23rd was a pretty intense night. The Fehlers (the parents of my pal Wes and Grandparents of Jack's pal Nate), the Rolands (my parents' neighbours and yearly hosts of that neighbourhood's Christmas party) and Mojo's friends Sarah and Morgan were all having parties. If that's not enough, I ended up having to take over hosting duties for this year's Nog Night, which is one of the most fun, and generally most debauched, nights of the year. There's a 3 hour settling period between the completion of the mixing of the Nog and when it's ready for drinking. It was during this window that Mojo, Jack and I decided to hit the parties that needed hitting.

We began at the Fehlers, as there was a scheduled appearance by Santa Claus we wanted to make. Jack and Nate took this opportunity to take a first look at each other and to decide, yep, you're another baby. Next year, maybe they'll be able to advance their opinions of each other. This was my time meeting Nate, and I was really happy to make his acquaintance. With his parents, he's going to grow up to have a hell of a sense of humour or some serious complexes. Just like Jack.

When Santa showed up, crawling from the sidehatch in his scarlet, bejinglebelled garb with a hardy HO HO HO, Jack, naturally, cried. He got over it pretty quickly, though, by indulging in the always soothing hand chewing and gazing at the bearded elf who proved to be generally benign. Eventually Jack was ballsy enough to sit near Santa and receive a gift.

Jack and his Dad at the Fehlers.

Obligatory group shot, which Jack up front and Nate in the arms of Santa.

Wes and Nate get close up with the jolly old elf.

Jack realises that Santa isn't scary, and his Dad gets way too excited about a gift.

Jack and Nate, hanging out on the floor.

Jack models his new Ramones bib (a gift from Nate's folks) as Nate digs a soother.

Former high school asexuals display proof that they're no longer virgins.

Somehow, after the Fehler's party, I forgot to take any pictures. The Roland's party was a good time, as always, and Nog Night was the ridiculous piss up it always is. During the drinking, Jack was with his always sober Mom, first at her friends' party and later sequestered in the basement away from the noisy intoxicated crowd.

Christmas has always been a special day for me. I'm not a religious man by any stretch (borderline Agnostic, if you must know). I love Christmas not because it's the celebration of the birth of anyone in particular (though Rod Serling's pretty cool) but because it's an excuse to be with one's family. Since my family has changed significantly since last Dec 25, this particular celebration held a special quality. Jack had a wonderful time, got a bunch of great swag and was the centre of familial love for a full day. Sorry I'm not funnier here. Pretend I just farted. Is that better?

Jack and Opa under in the glow of the Christmas tree.

Jack examines a gift.

Okay, here's where I expose what a huge wuss I am. For Christmas, I gave Jack my first Christmas gift. This teddy bear and I were inseparable for more years than I'd like to admit. When Jack opened the gift bag containing Teddy, he looked at him for a few moments before leaning forward and giving him a gentle kiss on the nose. I began to cry. Then my brother joined in. It was touching, alright? Get off my back.

Jack and his Grandma open a gift.

CD cases are delicious.

More goodies for Jack.

To the right of Jack is a handmade wooden car from his Dad's oldest friend.

Having been bothered by camera's for too long, Jack tried to hide in the pot drawer.

A boy in a home-made fez

2005-11-21T21:25:00.000-06:00

Jack has recently turned 8 months old. I decided the time was right to introduce him to the world of alcohol. "In this cold world, who can you trust?" I asked my son. He looked up at me. "No," I said, "Not me. I'll betray you whether I mean to or not. Trust liquor. It's honest. It'll beat you up, depress you and make you want to vomit, but it won't BS you. No sir."

Of course, the above is fiction. Liquor will indeed BS you. It'll tell you everything'll be okay after the next shot of Jagermeister. It'll tell you that girl over there is beautiful and she'll think you're charming and hilarious if you drop your pants and make walrus noises. It'll seduce you then slip out in the morning without leaving so much as a note; just a pasty tongue and a litany on regrets just out of focus.

But Jack doesn't need to know that yet. He'll learn the hard way, just like the rest of us did. For now, let him take comfort in Santa Claus, The Great Pumpkin and the benevolence of drink.

Uncoached, Jack reaches for a Bushwakker beer. Wise beyond his years.

Jack has been introduced to the messiest way a child can eat: without assistance.

Jack and his pal Ben.

Jack delivers his first noogie.

And now, the picture from Halloween 2005 that will bring Child Services to my door. In case anyone with no sense of humour has stumbled upon this site, the can wasn't opened until Jack had passed out from natural causes and Dad needed to take the edge of.

So Cute I Want To Puke

2005-10-23T15:53:00.000-06:00

First of all, Jack would like to welcome to the world some new buddies. Nathan Henry Fehler and Maïka Daphnée Boudreau have both made their dramatic entrances to dry land since my last posting. Congrats to all the parents and thanks for answering my cries of "MY BABY NEEDS A BUDDY!! GO MAKE BABIES!" Below are links to their websites. Go take a look.

http://bebeboudreau.blogspot.com/
http://www.fehler.ca/Hawk/

Now, I'd like to apologinze for the following pictures. They're so cute they make me want to puke. Mojo and her friend Hildy (who also has a new youngster named Ben that I really should've mentioned above) took the wee ones out to the valley for a photo shoot. The results are nausiating in their sweetness. You've been warned.

Okay, now some less cute photos, some from a recent trip to the Moose Jaw Spa.

Daddy's very hungry

Jack was concerned about this. He wasn't crying, he wasn't laughing. He was just concerned.

Jack recently was a guest lecturer at the U of R.

I'm sorry about this one. I couldn't help myself.

1/2 A Year

2005-09-22T19:42:00.000-06:00

Jack recently celebrated 6 months of life. I've started what I hope to be a wonderful trend by coming home late after work because I was distracted by a beer. Jack had his revenge, though. Using his Herculean might, he pummelled me in the throat repeatedly with his soother. I didn't find it soothing.

As usual, I need to dash out and my blog suffers from lack of attention. I'll just quickly say that Jack is doing great, his jolly jumping skills are Air Jordanesque, and he's one of the happiest people ever to sit on my lap.

And now, more pictures.

The new Buddha? Perhaps...

Jack's personal trainer has told us he needs to work on his upper body strength. This means more tummy time, which he once hated but now tolerates.

Fun with foreshortening

What a difference six months makes.

Spooning

2005-08-28T22:17:00.000-06:00

Sorry again about the lack of updates. I've been having too much fun Dadding to fiddle around with the computer much lately.
Jack's been making some fantastic progress over the last couple of weeks. He's discovered the joy of jumping. Mojo strapped him into his hand me down jolly jumper, and a happier baby you'll never meet. The first time in there, he did a bunch of stomping with one foot and crazed wiggling, but the second time out he was jumping and leaping like a Matrix stuntman.
He's also begun eating from a spoon. After 2 spoonfuls for training, he was a pro by the third. By the fifth, he'd throw his jaws wide open at the first sight of a full spoon. He shall be fat, and I shall be proud!
His other great breakthrough happened this morning. He was hanging out on Mojo's knee having an interesting conversation with himself. "Blee goo agoo gla bla blee," and suddenly he nailed the raspberry. We've been waiting for him to blast a raspberry for a while, so when he did, we cheered. This made him very self conscious, so he grinned coyly and began eating his hand.

Jack eats from a spoon better than I can.

Table dancin' impresses the ladies!

Happy in shackles.

Already he can't keep his hands off the weiner between his legs.

Too cool to smile right now. Step off.

Whatcho lookin' at!?!

"Where the hell'd that weiner dog come from?"

Sorry, I must've been parenting.

2005-08-10T22:43:00.000-06:00

Being a Dad, sometimes the blogging takes a backseat to digging all the new stuff junior does. Here are some recent shots to give you folks an idea how much the little man has grown.

Learning, scheming and probably pooping.

His Mom chose the face paint. She poopooed my suggestion to go with either Road Warrior Hawk or The Crow.

Junior loves froggy. Froggy watches.

This was the evening we discovered Jack finds David Caruso hilarious!

Like weeds, they grow!

2005-06-20T22:38:00.000-06:00

I miss my little 4 pounder. Why? Because a 9 lbs 5 oz baby gets heavy after a while at a wedding reception. He had a ball, though, sleeping and being fawned over. I can't blame him.

Here are a couple more pictures, one in his tub (which, now that he has some fat to keep him warm, isn't nearly as traumatic as it once was) and the other in his sunday best. There were a couple of shots of him with his new girlfriend Christine, but they're not appropriate for this family web site (you can find them on upskirt.com)

The weight gain continues

2005-05-31T23:06:00.000-06:00

Jack's remarkable weight gain continues to confound the experts. He's up to 8 lbs 8 ounces and he can now dead lift 55 lbs. He's mighty.

Jack loves a good back rub.

Future leader of the Dark Side of the Force.

Feeling happy in his high fashion Dutch import top (thanks again, Aunt Henny!).

Update on the Weight

2005-05-17T15:32:00.000-06:00

Jack's now 7 lbs 5 ounces. He's doubled his weight in 2 months. His new nickname is Brando.

It's getting normal

2005-05-16T21:15:00.000-06:00

Those moments when I think to myself, "I'm a Dad? What? No, what? Really?" are coming more and more rarely. I'm really comfortable with the concept now. The frustrating thing is the 8 hours a day I can't be near Jack. When I call home, and Mojo tells me all about the smiles, coos and handstands he does in the morning when he's fully rested, I'm humbled by the strength of jealousy's grip. BUT BABY NEEDS THA' MONIES, SO DADDY'S GOTSTA WORK, YO!

Sometimes, I let him roll about and find his own comfortable perch. I've been told I should cradle his neck better than I am in this picture, but look how comfy he is!

Planet J

Thinking about smiling.

Thought becomes action!

Unflatering.

Noises

2005-05-12T22:23:00.000-06:00

Jack's apparently been working on developing a laugh and a smile. He does this during the day, so I won't discipline him for unnecessary jocularity (which I can't abide). When I get home, he's all cries or snores. Actually, he just farted in my hand as I type this.

His face is starting to fill out, and he's looking more and more like a real baby every day.

Mr. Popularity

Packing On The Ounces

2005-05-02T21:55:00.000-06:00

Jack was weighed in at an even 6 lbs at his doctors appointment today. He has powerful swimmers legs, and a mighty barrel chest reminiscent of the Iron Sheik.

Jack vomitted a gusher the other night, soaking my shirt and amusing my neighbours. I'm planning a revenge revolving around swiftly consumed gin.

More pictures from home

2005-04-20T22:05:00.000-06:00

To those of you still stopping by this site, here are a few more photos of Jack as a reward for you patience. He's a handful and is, obviously, the reason I haven't been blogging much. Mojo and I have been adjusting, and I'll probably be able to update more often. It's work, but it's a blast.

Check out how tiny Jack is compared to regular sized youngsters. He's wee!

Ominous lighting even works on babies.

HOME!!!

2005-04-03T22:11:00.000-06:00

Jack has a nasty of habit of doing things earlier than expected. At our 10am visit this morning, the nurse at the NICU told us that we could take him home today. He's a sneaky, sneaky baby. We brought him home at around 1:45 pm, after he was all checked out and given a clean bill of health. It weird and wonderful having him home. We'll be letting folks who're interested know when they can stop by to meet Jack. We need a bit of time to adjust (and clean). To hold you over, here're a few more pictures.

Tubelessness

2005-03-31T16:07:00.000-06:00

Jack's head is now liberated from all tubes. He's getting all his nourishment from bottle or boob. Sadly, I didn't have a chance to see snap a shot of him chugging back a milk bong.

The other good news is that he's now slated for release early next week. Mojo and I are both very happy and scared. I have to figure out a way to sneak one of those isolettes (aka baby terrariums) out of the hospital.

Count Jackula vs The Lactator!

2005-03-29T08:12:00.000-06:00

On Sunday, Jack was allowed to tap the source. He took to it like a natural. We were a bit worried about this for a few reasons. First, he's been getting his nourishment straight through the nose at a regulated pace to ensure maximum satisfaction. Second, he's been so calm and content he's been ignoring his soother and therefore not practicing his sucking reflex. Third, laziness runs in the family. No worries, though. He's now on intermittent feedings. The tube's still up the nose, but it's not always hooked up. Tonight, I'll try to snap some shots of the milk bong.

More good news. We're now allowed to disconnect him for his various monitors and move him around the NICU. Sunday night we exposed him to his first Hollywood blockbuster: The Punisher was on the NICU TV set in the rocking chair zone. He slept right through it. He's got good taste.

One Tube To Go

2005-03-26T15:29:00.000-06:00

Jack's IV is out! This is another great step. Now, he only had the tube in his nose that feeds the Mommy Sauce right into his belly. He's taking a bunch in, and holding it in, which is good. The next test is to see how little Count Jackula does sucking directly from the source.

Also, by popular demand, below are some more pictures. Enjoy, and notice the distinct lack of IVs.

Mojo's Home

2005-03-25T15:57:00.000-06:00

Mojo was release from the hospital last night. The first place we went was the Bushwakker for some food and a beer (for me). She's doing well. The first night leaving Jack in hospital was difficult for her, but that was to be expected.

I have a cold, which means a surgical mask every time I visit Jack. It's frustrating, but I lighten the mood by singing a little Clash. "Daddy was a bank robber, but he didn't hurt nobody...:

Slight Delay

2005-03-24T07:36:00.000-06:00

It doesn't look like Jack'll be getting oput of the NICU this weekend. His little stomache is too wee to handle a bulk amount of food every 3 hours, so they have a tube in his nose sends Mojo's pumped gold straight into his tummy. Good news is, the IV in his head should be coming out today.

Photos

2005-03-22T22:45:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the slowness in posting updates. There's just not much time for blogging with a wife and child in the hospital. I do have a little bonus for you regular visitors: pictures!

Meet Jack. He's fresh out of the womb, and pretty confused. He also looks a bit like Gollum. Please don't hold that against him.

Jack came out quite listless (and just in time, frankly. I'll elaborate more later). He needed some help breathing at the beginning, but by the next day, he was breathing on his own.

All of these wires are mostly just monitors, to see how he's doing. His heart rate has had a tendency to drop when he's resting, but that's starting to clear itself up. He also has an IV in his head.

As you can see, his nose is tubeless and he's breathing on his own.

These are the proud, freaked out, over-joyed, over-anxious parents.

Its time for me to sleep. Hopefully this weekend, I'll have a chance to type up the story of Jack's arrival.

Jack Willem de Lint

2005-03-20T08:08:00.000-06:00

Jack Willem de Lint was born March 19, 2005 by caesarian section. He came out at just under 4 lbs and 43 cm. He's currently under the care of the NICU. He's fine, but small and needs help breathing and eating right now. I'll update with pictures when I get a chance, but I can't be away from the hospital for very long.

Induced

2005-03-18T22:03:00.000-06:00

Mojo's pregnancy was induced at 8:25pm tonight. More to follow.

Howard Hughes

2005-03-17T21:17:00.000-06:00

If anyone comes up to you and asks, "How'd you like to be Howard Hughes for a day?" be sure to reply, "Which day?" If the answer is one the days he did nothing but collect his own urine, say "No thanks." At 4 am this morning the nurses started Mojo collecting her pee in a Jerry Can. She has to fill it up over 24 hours and keep it on ice. Good times.

Her mantra through this whole time has been "I just came in to give them some money." This is true. She was just dropping off the deposit and they wouldn't let her leave. Poor girl.

Here's the good news. She's really relaxed. She now has TV, which is great for keeping her from flipping out from sheer boredom. Best of all, her blood pressure is back to normal. Last check it was 124 over 84. Whether it's the meds or the rest, we're not sure but we're relieved either way. She not out of the woods yet, though. There are more tests tomorrow. If they're not convinced she's safe, I'll probably be a Dad by the weekend. Otherwise, she comes home. I'll keep you posted.

Blood Pressure Normalizing

2005-03-17T13:09:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update. Mojo's responding well to the blood pressure medication. She's down to 133 over 85. It's that last number they really watch, and 85's close to normal. She'll be getting an ultrasound this afternoon, and they're monitoring her whiz for 24 hours.

In The Hospital

2005-03-16T22:36:00.000-06:00

It's 10:37 PM Regina time, and Mojo's in the hospital. She went in to put a deposit down on the blood pressure monitor she picked up yesterday and they wouldn't let her leave. They decided to check her heart rate while she was there, and it was 160 over 105. That's pretty darn high. They decided to hold her for a bit to do a full check up. The exams revealed a urinary tract infect, a blood infection and more protien in her urine than should be there, which indicated some kidney problems. An OBGYN came in to explain this all to her. He's put her on some blood pressure medicine. They're going to keep her under observation for a couple of days, and if thing get worse, they'll need to induce labour (the OBGYN used the term 'terminate the pregnancy', which is a very disconcerting way of saying that). I'll try to keep you posted, but I plan to spend as much time as I can in the hospital with my wife.

This monday she'll be 36 weeks along.

Checking Pee

2005-03-16T08:01:00.000-06:00

Mojo went back to the doctor yesterday, to follow up on the pre-eclampsia. Her blood pressure is still really high (160 over 100), but she still doesn't really have any of the other symptoms (swelling, head aches, spots in front of the eyes, pain in the right abdomen). She's picked up a blood pressure sleeve to monitor her heart rate and she has some sticks she;I'll get to use to test her urine for protein. She peed on a stick to see if she was pregnant, now she's peeing on a stick while pregnant. I wonder why she'll have to pee on a stick after the baby's here.

We've also picked up a cel phone. I hate those damn things, but it was explained to me that walkie talkies would be inefficient.

Ow

2005-03-14T09:35:00.000-06:00

Mojo and I are both in pain. Her's are all pregnancy related, while mine are generally from being stupid and out of shape. I'm stiff from curling on Saturday night. I curl once a year, and it seems to be getting harder on my muscles as I age. I don't plan to train the curling muscle groups all year for the single annual time I play. Still, my groin's not happy with me. I also screwed up my back last night reaching for a comic book in bed. How lame is that? Why must I be a clown for the bored fates? The result is, today both Mojo and I are moving like elderly people, sharing stories of agony with each other.

It's Never Complication Free - Part 2

2005-03-11T14:40:00.000-06:00

I just got the call from Mojo. We need to keep an eye on her. We're going to get a machine from the hospital to check her blood pressure 4 times a day. If it shoots up, she goes to the hopsital. If her face, feet or hands begin to swell up, we get her to the hospital. Until then, she needs to stay off her feet. Many movies for Mojo. She's most disappointed that she won't be able to attend the Prenatal Powerlifting Expo this weekend. Her deadlift is truly remarkable. It's a shame the world can't marvel at her power, but as we always say, safety first.

It's Never Complication Free

2005-03-11T10:21:00.000-06:00

At Mojo's doctor's appointment yesterday, she was informed that she has high blood pressure. In pregnant women, this could mean pre-eclampsia. She's not showing all the symptoms of pre-eclampsia, such as swelling in the feet and face or sudden weight gain (quite the opposite, in fact). Junior's moving well, so we're not going to panic. She peed into a cup and bled into a vial yesterday and she's going back in today for an update. I'll keep you posted. Sorry about the cliffhanger.

New Life And A New Life

2005-03-09T16:36:00.000-06:00

The gravity of how completely my life is going to change in a month, a week and a day is starting to settle in. While I'm intensely excited to meet my baby, I've also found myself really valuing the time I have left as a non-parent. Time alone with my wife will be scarce. Getting hammered will probably be a much rarer occurrence (which is probably a good thing). Even veging in my basement Tiki Room all by myself in front of the tube may mostly a thing of the past.

Change is scary.

Baby's Gettin' A Buddy!

2005-03-07T09:57:00.000-06:00

After much pestering, cajoling and yelling, one of the couples in my neighbourhood is providing my baby with a buddy! I'm taking 100% of the credit. They let me know over the weekend, and I did a little dance. Their offspring is 8 weeks on and so will be 7 months younger than junior. I already have plans. I want to put together the Irresponsible Fathers Billiards League. There are some pool halls that provide free pool if you buy a meal. What a fun way to parent! YAY!

Ladybugs and cats.

2005-03-04T08:22:00.000-06:00

I've always believed great quantities of anything can be unnerving. I call it the Ladybugs And Cats Theorem. One ladybug is cute. 10,000 ladybugs are creepy. One cat is cute. 100 cats scare the shit out of me. Last night, at prenatal class, I realised that the Ladybugs And Cats Theorem applies to pregnant women. I found myself freaked out to be in a room full of people creating genetic duplicates in their bodies. I felt like I'd infiltrated a secret meeting in a science fiction movie. If you see me on the streets shrieking, "They walk among us!!!", you'll know why.

Twisted Toys

2005-03-03T11:15:00.000-06:00



Flipping through the Sep/Oct 04 issue of Juxtapoz, I discovered some toys that I think would save me the trouble of having to scar my child myself.  Pictured above is the bunny called Harm.  Also available is Bunny with Tentacles, Bunny With Baby, and Bunny with Siamese Twin.  These are gold.

Scared Quiet

2005-03-02T09:20:00.000-06:00

Normally, when the baby hears my voice it gets active. Last night, I think I may've scared it quiet. I've recently been reading to Mojo's belly. Last night, the reading material was Green Eggs and Ham. I found myself really wrapped up in my role, growing more and more agitated with Sam I Am, that pesky jerk, to get the hell away from me with his goddamn Green Eggs And Ham. If I don't like it in a house, why the hell would I like it with a goddamn fox?!? CHRIST!! Think, Sam!!...

When I calmed down, I sang a nice song. That seemed to smooth things over.

Swag

2005-03-01T08:04:00.000-06:00

Mojo had her baby shower on Sunday. She has some very very generous friends. This baby's going to quite comfortable and constantly entertained. I wanted to keep some of the stuff for myself. My baby got rocket shoes! How cool is that?

On that topic, I've been doing some research on whether disposables or diaper services are worse for the environment. So far, my studies have proven inconclusive. The results were to determine whether I'd have a diaper party or a fund raiser to pay for the service. Since I'm not sure, I've decided to go with the dough. I'm having a raffle and the winner gets an original piece of my art. The best part is that the winner decides the subject matter. Below's a link to more info.

http://www.delint.ca/diaperraffle/diaperraffle.htm

POP!

2005-02-24T08:15:00.000-06:00

Somehow, Mojo's belly got bigger overnight. She was big on Tuesday, but she was huge on Wednesday. I didn't check the belly on my sleeping bride this morning for fear of what I might find.

Nesting

2005-02-23T14:47:00.000-06:00

It's remarkable that changes to the body affect both expectant parents, not only the mother. Besides getting fat, my brain chemicals are being altered. I now love the attachments I recently purchased for my vacuum cleaner. They're the best toys in the whole world. The little beaches of filth that had accumulated on the edges of each stair leading to my basement are now gone. The cobwebs that caught the light in mid afternoon have been sucked away.

If you want to kill off a block of my time, mention a layer of dust you saw recently in my home.

Hunter S. Thompson, RIP

2005-02-21T08:01:00.000-06:00

This may be a bit off topic, but I just heard that my baby will be born into a world without Hunter S. Thompson. Hunter's son Juan found his body, rendered lifeless by a self inflicted gunshot wound. This is very disappointing news.

Weight Gain Is Good

2005-02-18T08:04:00.000-06:00

Mojo's been worried for a while. Unlike most expectant mothers, she hasn't been gaining weight. When you include the baby parts and all the new fluids needed to keep them fresh, this means Mojo Proper has been shedding the pounds. On Wednesday, she went to the doctor to discover she's put on four pounds and her belly is at 32". She was blissed out with relief for the rest of the day.

Violence may be an issue

2005-02-16T08:15:00.000-06:00

While putting on my shoes in the back room last night, I heard Mojo yell out from the living room. "Yeeeaoow!!" Being one of the world's most caring husbands, I rushed to her side to determine and eliminate the source of her distress.
"Whatever's the matter, beloved?"
"The damn baby just hoofed me in the pubic bone! OW!!"
Sadly, this was not an isolated incident. I think tough love may be the answer. You hear that baby?!? EYE FOR AN EYE TIME!!!

Happy Valentine's Day

2005-02-14T08:27:00.000-06:00

On this, the most romantic day of the year, I have a special message for all my friends within city limits: Start porkin'! Baby needs a buddy!

Last night, Mojo and I had a family pot luck. There were two babies and a 4 year old. I've discovered how non-baby proof my home is. Given another hour, there would've been broken lamps and bloodshed. Mojo and I have some work to do.

Almost puked

2005-02-10T22:28:00.000-06:00

Just got back from a prenatal class. We got to watch a bunch of birthing videos. Verrrry graphic. Mojo was having a lot of trouble watching it, which was amusing me to no end. I was fine with everything, finding it quite interesting and informative... until the placenta came shooting out. I'm still nauseous. The next 4 births we had to sit through were ruined as I was on edge waiting for more placenta to leap out. Meanwhile, Mojo's nails are digging into my hand since, for some reason, the images of vaginas being forced wide and taut with fluids and body parts squeezing out was causing her discomfort. Fun class.

Love or Loathing

2005-02-10T08:05:00.000-06:00

Last night, I seranaded my baby through my wife's belly. My set included "Saskquatch" by Tenacious D and "Snowsuit" by Sloan. The baby was either dancing or trying vainly to flee. When I tried to drop some Public Enemy, Mojo put a stop to it.

Unborn Babies Can Be Scary

2005-02-07T14:33:00.000-06:00

Just got back from the General Hospital. Mojo had a bit of a scare this morning ('lady business' - I won't go into details), so we decided, "better safe than sorry". Everythings cool, but it started out nice and tense. Good dry run for the real deal.

Pointy, Purple and Gross

2005-02-04T10:35:00.000-06:00

That's what my baby's skull will look like when I first see it.

Pass the time

2005-02-02T13:44:00.000-06:00

Mojo's bored. No money for fun. Baby forbids sinful ingestions. What to do?

-Go to free places, like libraries, art galleries, and courthouses.
-Talk to the plants. The baby will think you're talking to it. HA, STUPID BABY!!
-Dip your belly in molasses, lie on your back, throw sugar in the air and name the constellations that are formed on your stomach. Beware not to do this too often, or the baby will become arrogant. Centre of the universe and all that.
-Fart.
-Fart again.
-Stare at your neighbours house until they notice. This can kill a few days at a time.
-Sharpen sticks (known in some colloquialities as "whittlin'").
-Hide.

Concave becomes convex

2005-01-31T09:20:00.000-06:00

Mojo's belly button is undergoing a magical, caterpillar into butterfly transformation from innie to outie. She's freaking out like she's turning into a werewolf.

She's cute when she's crazy.

Nerd Child

2005-01-27T14:08:00.000-06:00

Mojo exposed the baby to dangeous levels of Nerd Waves Tuesday night. The sound of role playing geeks can enter the womb as easily and dangeously as x-rays! SHAME!!!

So what if I was one of the nerds? Shyaddap!

Non-baby distraction

2005-01-26T10:24:00.000-06:00

Fuji apples are AWESOME!! It's like chomping into the sweet sweet head of an Oompa-Lumpa, without the distracting shrieks of agony! YUM!!

It's getting bigger - A haiku

2005-01-25T15:11:00.000-06:00

The belly becomes
large, round, active, lovable.
In the womb, wiggler.

No goodies.

2005-01-20T10:15:00.000-06:00

No sweets. No smokes. No caffine. No booze.

Tasty tasty baby.

Baby kicks guts

2005-01-19T16:27:00.000-06:00

Hoof! Kee-Yi! Kung Fu baby targets nerve clusters!!

I'm the baby's daddy.

2005-01-18T13:30:00.000-06:00

I made it with my own sauce. The lady helped some. More to follow.